I guess it’s been quite a while- that numb feeling of waiting around for something you’re almost certain has left you. So you continue to stand there; eyes dry despite the tears you’ve been crying. You always wait like he’s just around the corner and if you blinked you’d probably miss him. Its too hard to let go.
“it would kill me”
I tell her as she held my hand and sipped her coke. Anne was always the one I told all my problems to. She managed to look at me with utmost empathy while scarfing down a whole burger and fries. Her size zero jeans, long legs and tall frame made her almost my exact opposite and i always envied her relationship with food I knew would transform my hips into a donut. She was different and extraordinary. But that wasnt why we were friends. She understood me. We laughed together and even at eachother. We were pigs in the same blanket and it just clicked. So much that if she were a man I would be in a relationship with her instead. But alas, her vagina commands our relationship to be more like sisters.
“Im afraid if i tell him he’ll be okay with it. He’ll be ok with ending us.”
“You still have to tell him. He needs to know you’re feeling like this. You know, he needs to be reminded. Maybe you should see what else is out there. Just so he can be the broken one. He’ll be the one afraid of losing you.”
I pouted at the thought that the solution to this man was another man. But i knew what she was saying. She felt i deserved better and i was delighted to have someone with me lifting my self esteem.
“He should realize you’re a catch”
I laughed almost having “no homo” thoughts emerge in my head. But I knew she was right. I had to tell him. Her suggestions didn’t sound too bad either. I wondered about it; to have someone bring me flowers and put beautiful adjectives beside my name. To hear praises about my eyes and blush under his touch; all the things falling in love is made of. But It wasn’t what i wanted. It wouldn’t be his hands, the only ones my skin remembers. Or his voice, saved in my full voicemail. I just wanted him, at least the him i had in my mind. I wondered then if i wasn’t in love with another man already, that ive been tricked into believing its the same person.
“Duuuude!” she exclaimed, imaginary lightbulb complimenting her wide eyed expression.
“yea?”
“We should brawl”
“And i thought this was about my situation”
“Well it could be” she grinned, “you could brawl out your frustrations. Dont be scared of losing toon link”
Our exchanges became more competitive and vulgar after that but its never too serious to suggest videogames. Anne and I always found time to be ourselves in the little things. Plus, I had to put her Whack-Ness in its place.
“Psshhh please. Bring it!”
